Jojo Rabbit: A film by Taika Waititi, based off of the novel Caging Skies by Christine Leunens
Jojo is a lonely German boy who discovers that his single mother is hiding a Jewish girl in their attic. Aided only by his imaginary friend -- Adolf Hitler -- Jojo must confront his blind nationalism as World War II continues to rage on.
Yes, that is the actual premise, and yes, it is accurate. How could a story about a young boy whose imaginary friend is Adolf Hitler help someone through their grief? Like I said- very unexpectedly.
A few days after Evelyn passed, I was struggling to even get out of bed and go downstairs. My husband, mother and mother in law stayed by my side through all of it. On a particularly dark morning, I admitted to my husband and mother that I was having dark thoughts. About not wanting to go on, about wanting to go be with Evie, about not seeing any point in life anymore. I am so grateful for such an amazingly supportive family who forced me to get out of bed and go see a counselor immediately.
I was nervous and kind of pissed off that they were making me go, because I didn't want to do a single thing. I didn't even want to move. I am so glad that I did, because I have continued to use counseling as a resource to this day as a way to continue to work through my grief and the darkness that can feel so overwhelming at times. As I drove home from that first session, I wasn't sure what I felt. All I knew was that I wanted everyone to just stop moving and sit with me, which my counselor encouraged me to express. When my husband and I got back home to our mothers, we asked them to do just that. And we watched Jojo Rabbit...
For the first time since my daughter had passed, I smiled. I laughed even. I fell in love with the adorable, charming characters and the hilarious imaginings of Hitler through the eyes of a young, impressionable boy. But what I didn't expect was that I also cried. I felt true pain and tragedy. I felt a deep sense of unfairness and a longing to change what had happened. As the credits rolled, this quote appeared on screen:
Let me just tell you- I wept. I felt so many strong emotions and everything came out like a flood. Accompanying this quote was the song "Heroes" by David Bowie. Both this quote and this song have become so sentimental to me, and I clung to both while I continued to try to push forward. My sister in law was kind enough to frame the quote for me so I could hang it in my home to look at each day. It all just hit me so hard and meant so much to me in that moment.
Looking back, it all kind of makes sense to me now. I've come to get to know grief fairly well, and if it has taught me anything, it is that it is very complex. It is so many emotions at once, and has such strong conflicting feelings of joy and sadness. Joy for having had that person in your life, even for a short time. Joy of having been blessed enough to feel the love you felt for them. Joy for the memories and all the sweet moments that you will never forget. But then, the sadness and darkness hits. Those things feel so far away, and there is no way to get them back. Grief is such a range of emotions, all heavy and all important parts of the process.
I realized that all of the feelings this film had evoked in me were the exact same emotions that I so strongly associate with grief. This masterpiece of a movie has absolutely nailed the complexities of life and the grief that comes with it. This movie has proven to do this, not in a superficial way, but in a genuine, meaningful way. It wasn't specifically a movie aimed at helping me through my grief, but it allowed me to go through and feel all of the different emotions that would do just that.
And after feeling all of these powerful, complicated feelings, this quote from Rainer Maria Rilke. Telling me that it was okay to be broken. It was okay to feel the horribleness that was happening to me, but at the same time, telling me not to let those be the ONLY feelings I allowed myself. It told me to keep going. The same day I had decided not to.
I will forever have such a special place in my heart for this movie, this quote, and this song. Jojo Rabbit, in the most unexpected way, helped me to emerge from one of the darkest moments in my grieving process. Jojo Rabbit helped me to keep going.
Thank you, Taika Waititi. 💟
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